The Dominant Profiles: Patience Mulumba

 



Picture Courtesy of Patience Mulumba



 

Really excited this week because I am introducing a new feature called The Dominant Profiles!!! Its a really random feature but pretty fun! I am profiling females from across the continent LIKE EVERYWHERE! Feminist, non-feminist, Christian, Muslim ANYTHING so long as you are female and have something to say, a goal in your life or a random talent you can be featured here! I just want you to get an idea of what other African women out there are doing and their thoughts and ideas and what they consider Dominant behavior! Hope you get inspired!

 

This week we have the lovely Miss Patience Mulumba, you can also check out her blog Confessions of a Naptural really great stuff on fashion, food and natural hair. Make sure you check it out!

 

 

Name: Patience Mulumba

 

Nationality: Congolese

 

Thoughts on Feminism: Hmmm... well, for one, I encourage feminism. I've had a hard time calling myself a feminist because I'm what people would consider 'traditional' but I've always supported women's rights and encouraged women to step up and show the men that we too are able to lead and to be independent women that others can look up to. I think that that is a major principle of feminism so I guess you can consider me a feminist.

 

 

Post Title:  My Journey to Self-Confidence

 

As women, having confidence is one of those things that we often struggle with. We often say "we live in a society that puts pressure on us to look or feel certain way" but truth is, we kinda to this to ourselves. I've always said to myself that no one can make me feel a certain way unless I allow that person to, and it's true. 

 

Growing up in an African family, my mother would often give me advice on how to be a lady, or "a big girl" as she would say, and carry myself in a manner that was deemed respectable in our culture. She also often showered me with love and compliments so that I would be able to have the level of confidence necessary for me to feel good about myself. 

 

Despite all this, my confidence has been nothing short of a roller coaster ride. One minute I believed in myself and felt truly beautiful and the next I was down, or comparing myself to so-and-so and wondering why I wasn't as pretty as her. All these thoughts really put me down and at the time, I was going through transition periods in my personal life so I was just a wreck. With time, I came to realize that it was all in my mind, I was being too harsh on myself and trying to conform to unrealistic standards. The mind is a powerful tool and failure to master it can actually have rather detrimental effects. I'm a thinker, always thinking, so I had to figure out how to use that to my advantage.

 

As I write this, I can honestly say that I have come to terms with who I am, what I look like, and I'm focusing on self improvement. It's not always perfect but I'm just looking for ways to be a better person. And I want to share with you how I managed to finally take charge on my mind and embrace the person that I am today. I do not want to make this unnecessary long so I will give you what I believe are the most important tips.

 

The first thing you should do pray. Yes, pray your heart out. Tell God how you feel. Ask him for help and for guidance. That is honestly the first thing I did because I was tired of feeling miserable and I needed change. 

 

Second, remember that you are 'fearfully and wonderfully made'. This part isn't always easy so this is how I dealt with it. Just promise you won't judge me because it works! I live with my brother and sister in law right now and they think I'm a nudist so they never barge into my room. This is the reason why: I remember Tyra Banks telling girls that they should look into the mirror and each day, pick something about themselves that they like and focus on that. So I do exactly that. I strip, look at myself in the mirror and try to embrace all my flaws and all my perfections all the same. I chill like that for a few hours and just embrace it. It's your body, you can't get rid of it, so you might as well just face it and embrace it. 

 

Third, love yourself. And by this I mean learn to love your personality, and who you are. I'm an introvert and for the longest time I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn't the social butterfly and occasionally had social anxiety. I was able to mask this in high school by running for leadership positions and acquiring them. It was truly an inner battle for me but I was able to do it. Plus there were only 100-120 people at my school, faculty included. When I moved to Montreal I could no longer hide behind that mask because I now attend school with 40,000 other students. I did not have the social skills to get around and I thank God that my current friends approached me and talked to me because I would otherwise be a loner. Not that I mind, I really cherish my alone time, lol. Sorry for going off on a tangent. Basically what I'm saying is that if you are the social butterfly, embrace that, but also if you are shy and really want to break out of your shell, I say fake it till you make it! It works! Sometimes I approach people and keep 'calm' on the outside but my heart is racing. I still do it anyway, I can't be a loner forever! And if you're an introvert, read 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain. Best book ever, it will help you understand yourself better. And for my girls that don't like their character, there's always room for improvement. It's never too late. 

 

Next, take care of yourself. When you look good, you feel good, right? Set time aside to pamper yourself. If it means painting your nails or going to the spa, do it. Eat healthy, but also indulge in a few treats, exercise, and squeeze in a few lazy days! Taking care of yourself can also mean reflecting on your life and cutting our toxic people. It's ok to love people at a distance, because sometimes that's just what you have to do in order to focus on your self improvement.

 

Last but not least, have fun and do what you love. Don't take life to seriously, but don't be irrational either. Have fun, surround yourself with those who truly love and care for you, and do what you love. If you don't like that cubicle at work, maybe its time to follow your dreams and do something different. This can boost your confidence. That's something I'm still working on... doing what love... but I'll figure it out sooner than later. 

 

I hope that this article was helpful! share and tell us what you do to improve your confidence.

 

Wishing you all the best!