Why I Will Always Kneel Before My Father ( and occasionally my brothers)

ART BY THOMPSON NAMUKABA

Last week my dear Friend Eby told me he does not support Feminism because he believes that his future wife ought to show him respect and be submissive. My other friend said that he would expect his future wife to serve him his meals, maybe washing his hands not so much but serving him his food frequently would be nice. and yet another friend asked me if I support Solange's crazy battering of Jay-z now that I am a public feminist (that one made me laugh). It then occurred to me that many African men and women associate Feminism with being difficult and uncooperative which are horrible traits for anyone to have but to many African individuals it may seem so much worse because the submissiveness of a women is deeply embedded in African culture.

These fears that people have are not unfounded. Many African Feminists speak out against these practices calling them antiquated and regressive denouncing practices such as kneeling before men as being patriarchal and degrading to women and call for them to be done away with. As one article by Mandy Nyembs put it  "I could certainly kneel for the patriarchs in my family but not for a partner. Respect comes in many forms but kneeling for a partner takes away from the emancipation of women."

Call me a fake Feminist if you need to, but this kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. This is my personal opinion but as African Feminists are we not African first then Feminist second? Our Forefathers contrary to popular belief were not backward sadistic monsters who sought to build a continent on the backs of women, neither were our fore mothers dimwitted people who could not tell the difference between oppression and culture and therefore be unable to revolt against it. Sometimes I feel as Africans we always feel that "If we are doing it White we are doing it Right" as blogger Siyanda Writes puts it "You see this every day in many Africans associating their own cultures with all things ‘back-wards’ and ‘simple-minded’ as though the West has claimed some sort of trade-mark on ‘progress (even though she doesn't agree with a lot of cultural practices).

Culture is important! it creates a common identity and with common identity comes unity. unfortunately due to colonialism our culture has been so scrambled and mixed with western ideas we can not appreciate it and value each others needs. I believe that this is one of the reasons we have so much civil unrest on the continent. The culture of giving respect to a man realises that men and women are different. This is not to say one is greater than the other, we are just different therefore have different needs. men have a need to be recognised as providers where as women have the need for affection. No need is greater than the other and possessing one of the needs does not make you any less important. We always tend to forget the fact that this culture does not only apply to men but to elders as well male and female and other people in the society who have earned the respect. We need to realise that paying respect to people even when we feel they do not deserve it, is not weakness contrary it shows great strength in character! The most celebrated and loved world leaders today are those who possessed (and posses) humility by showing respect to people who haven't necessarily done anything to earn it.

As a new generation of African Feminists it is important that we realise that women around the world are different. What some women may view as oppression may actually be an expression of cultural heritage. Many African women I know are proud of their submissiveness and they are happy, great at their jobs and are still respected figures in society! They are amazing role models for the young African Feminists and what is more important is that their personal relationships are intact showing that it is possible to be a submissive woman AND a strong Feminist.

To conclude I do realize that there are situations in which the patriarchal system in Africa is abused and to this I believe it is important that we as African Feminists should speak out against. however to condemn cultural practices that are performed in an unabusive setting as being unfeminist is to alienate a great majority of women on this continent who take pride in these very same practices from feminist the movement. Knowing our continental problems as African women, we have bigger fish to fry and issues such as showing respect shouldn't be one of them. So because of this when culture calls for it I will always kneel before my father, future husband and perhaps maybe (if they are VERY lucky) my brothers :)



Want to know more about how people feel about culture and Feminism? Educate yourself by checking out these links:

Talks about the importance of culture and what the Idoni organisation is doing to promote culture.

Siyanda Writes on Patriarchy and Culture ( A bit out there but that is her brand, LOVE IT!)